The water is hot. It is brought to boiling point over the gas and then poured into the teapot. Who, among lesser mortals can truly sit still and elegantly be one’s self without squirming and cursing the heat? But apparently the evolved human being can and does. And somehow, I had expected it of the inanimate tea-bag too. I suppose, one could write to Twining’s in Calcutta and complain about this tea bag, maybe it was defective. Maybe it was the case with all of them. They were just lazy sods and had to be prodded to bleed. But I had only myself to blame for when I felt restless, angry or pained and inept. I seemed to need the rigour of living, of facing problems, being hurt and my sense of self diminished to look deeper within and find courage to speak up, through the ups and downs of life, to do what I was born to; realize it through the experience of being.
if only it really were as simple as it sounds. Most of our lives are lived engaging with other people. Dealing with people is a complicated affair because unlike the tea bag, they too have feelings. What I say has a similar effect on them, as what they say, does to upset or uplift me. Taking a gulp of tea I surmise, a tea-bag isn’t something I get myself into a tangled mess about. It’s a thing, its mute, just sits there, quietly doing its stuff, even though I may have to prod and jiggle it up and down a bit. It doesn’t bite my head off for it; nor does it question or challenge any assumptions I may have arrived at about it. People, on the other hand, can do all of these things and often we say and do things that hurt each other as we speak, defend and assert ourselves and more. Some of us are better or more brutal at this than others. Sometimes, things seem unfair but then, we also like what they do for us at other times and its balancing this that gets me into a twist. How much should one say? When and where, or how?
Untangling these knots, I suppose, is what makes life both frustrating and fascinating. But the pressing question is how much is one supposed to brew? How do we ascertain when we have arrived at the perfect brew, in any given moment? More often than not, I tend to kept quiet, hoping my silence will do the trick. In principle it should work, because thought is what creates life, but the paradox is that life is lived on the physical plane and that entails a certain amount of doing or saying in this realm and it is only when I am able to sufficiently detach, not worry about the result, do I succeeded in this way.
The other day, as I did my affirmations and sent energy to the day’s events, I also asked for a special wish to be granted. As the day progressed, I started feeling apprehensive about this desire, could I handle it? Was it what I really wanted? Everything else fell into place effortlessly, but this wish did not come to fruition because clearly, I did not have sufficient control over my emotions, and focussing on negative feelings, I signalled doubt which derailed its manifestation. Yet, in my heart I knew that I did want this to be. It was very confusing and that is what I ended up manifesting. I would create the opportunity and then not be able to take it through. Then I’d regret this and reaffirm, but eventually decided to give up because, at this point, I clearly could not do what was needed.
The perfect brew is an elusive thing. Sometimes one gets it right without much effort and at other times, it just isn’t quite as you would like it to be, no matter how many formulae or recipes you try. Tracing the antecedent of thought and undoing what has happened in the past are daunting, if indeed possible. Faith seems to be the key; being flexible about how things unfold. If we do not like what happens, we can always change it. No point letting anxiety complicate and delay things.
[i] I’ll get another one and take a look at this problem later